A Selection of Writings from 2013 to 2023

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This is a selection of writings I have completed over the last decade (and some change…) and have lightly edited for clarity. You’ll notice a significant gap during the years 2015 to 2021. This time was mostly dedicated to school and work, but I was also experiencing significant doubt in myself. I hadn’t written anything, including music, outside of the reports and essays I trudged through for my degree. The entire time I was also battling mental health problems that contributed to the self-doubt. Later, the rigid routine of full time work weighed heavily on the child in my heart, and left me mentally, and sometimes physically, too exhausted to nurture her curiosity.

Eventually, I began writing music and written word again. I created a musical catalog while learning the basics of tracking, fully composing, directing, managing, producing, and publishing my own records. It is a heap of hard, and frankly, thankless work, but it keeps the ever-hungry-for-new-things-to-do demon in my head happy.

Anyways, beginning with the oldest and closing with the most recent, here are writing selections completed between 2013 and 2023:

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07/08/2013 – Untitled

You are so beautiful
But every time
I feel like i can trust you
You destroy everything.
You can’t hold something delicate
Because you’ll crush it
You can’t hold someone’s hand
Because you’ll let go.
You can’t stay with me forever
Because you’re drifting away.
And you kill me each time
You rip out my throat.

⛯

01/07/2014 – Untitled

I’ve been waiting
My entire life to
Dance into my freedom
But now that it is
Within my reach,
I don’t know
What to do with it.

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☉

03/20/2015 – Untitled

It’s like being pushed
and shoved in a crowd
all while someone is
screaming in my ear.
I just want to howl
and break expensive things
that no one cares about anyways.
That is,
until I have morning coffee
and a bagel with schmear
while a pair of green eyes
laugh at what I said
over breakfast,
making everything revert back
to a comforting hum.

06/26/2014 – Love is…

Love is realizing
how beautiful flowers are
when you’ve hated them
for so long.

Love is feeling
the dance in your toes
each time you go
for a walk.

Love is seeing
the brightness of the moon
instead of the darkness
of the night.

Love is begging
to feel pain
rather than ignoring
the pit of absence.

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Unknown Date, Prior to 2018 – Untitled

How was your leap into the sky?
I bet it was beautiful
Because I haven’t seen you since,
I saw you tie the chain around your leg
As you wept into your hair.
I promise I’ll see you someday
But I have to ask,
Can you feel my swollen eyes
Searching for an answer?
Darling, try a little harder
You patched up your heart
And signed it
“They were wrong”
Yet here I am just as you were
Balancing on the ledge.
I want to see the beauty that you
Sought out in this mad world.
Was it too far?
Or did you get lost
On your way back home?

⚝

Unknown Date, Prior to 2018 – Untitled

My head is swimming with all opposites
I’m almost bursting at the seams
But my mind feels ironclad.
I try so hard to feel the colors around me
But my skin only knows gray.
I want so hard to be the best
But it’s like fighting years of war.
Bad days are summer storms
The good ones, still a cloudy day.
Sometimes the hours are like centuries
And I feel fucking insane.

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05/17/2021 –
“Can honesty be honestly bad?”

Sometimes the truth hurts
That might seem like a bad thing
But pain humbles you.

✺

06/07/2021 – Celestial

The stars and the moon shine with fire
And my eyes glisten with the beauty.
If only I had wings to carry me higher
I could witness the cosmos breathe.

06/04/2021 – Untitled

Sometimes I feel like I have
bricks tied around my neck,
and I wish dearly to sleep
away the midday grog.

Sometimes I feel like the world
is my playground,
and I wish dearly to live
my life to the fullest.

Sometimes I don’t feel anything at all
then the days start blending together,
and I wish dearly to disappear
altogether.

⍖

06/27/2021 – Resistance

You may fight against
The will of the universe
But she is always counting
All the missteps
That lead us back to fate.

06/21/2021 – Knowing

Having knowledge does not make you wise
But knowing nothing makes you ignorant.
Knowing isn’t a contest of size
But a measure of curiosity.

❂

06/26/2021 – Nothing

Bleak, burrowing, branded
By the nothing I feel inside.
Deep, driving, despair
Is all consuming in my mind.

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Unknown 2023 – In the Clouds

If only I could fly
I would go into space
And find where I might belong
I never quite fit in
My head has always been
In the expanse above my skin.

◐

09/25/2023 – Untitled

I’ve spent so much time
Listening to the saddest songs
Hoping to find the formula
For a happy life.

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